Cry

seems to me these days that the only people that make me cry are my friends. sometimes my really good friends.

this year has the most times i ever cried. i think i cry for the stupidest reasons. sometimes i get really emotional about the past.

first time with my 2 friends who were just fucking around with me. they reminded me of how my super old friends suddenly treated me like i was a freak just because i stood up for myself. yes i know they were just trying to be funny. but it still hurt. they kept on saying sorry and they thought i was gonna cry at any moment. just cuz i cried once doesn't mean i'm gonna cry every friggin day!

second time. i did something to a friend and i didn't say sorry. they wouldn't talk to me for 2 days. just sat there in class not talking to me. i felt so bad. then after class i ran to my friend and said sorry. weeping and shit. i cant live with myself thinking that something i did made someone hate me and not even look at me for 2 days.

third time was in summer school. we were supposed to draw things that are imporant to u or events in ur life or something that shows ur personality. so i started to draw the funeral that impacted my life. the funeral i wasn't able to go to. the funeral of someone i loved so much. the funeral of the person i never got to tell "i love you" or "goodbye". the funeral of the person that i spent so much time with when i was a child. the person who always played with me and mike. anyways, my friend saw the pic and she was wondering wtf i was drawing. then they were like "you want death?" then i was trying to explain it. then they were like "i dont get it." so then i started to erase the whole damn picture cuz if 2 ppl can't understand, maybe the teacher can't undersand and i'll just get a bad grade. then as i erased i just started thinking about the memories and i started crying. i know... pretty stupid of me. to cry because of a drawing. then after the crying my friend felt like shit. it seriously wasn't their fault. so then they kept on drawing with their head down. so then they started making ME feel like shit for making THEM feel like shit. after a while they said sorry for making me cry. and i told them that they didn't make me cry.

i shouldn't cry in front of my friends. that's why i only cry alone in my room. so no one will judge me. no one will see me. ah well

anyways. my mom had this freaky dream that i had a bf and i was trying to hide myself from my mom by using my sweater. she told my that i was holding my bf and i was talking to a whole bunch of cute guys in the dream... well my mom's wierd.