Time.

Bored Steffy

I don’t like this. I keep playing with a lip ring that’s not there. It makes me sad. :<

This morning, Jess and I had Kit Kat and Twix for breakfast. Lol. Then we finished watching Hulk and then her mom picked her up.

Chris wanted to hang out but I had work to do. I had to clean the house and do homework and all that jazz but he insisted on hanging out. Since I had already gone to a party for Halloween, I didn’t want to go out again this weekend since I promised mummy I would limit my going out. Chris wanted to hang out either way so he and Kevin came over.

Sandy was cleaning out all the crap in her room that she didn’t use/need. We were all raiding her things for stuff that we might use. Well, maybe not “use” but they were things we wanted. It was like “Ohhh. Pretty piece of useless junk.” *takes* or “That looks cool.” *takes* haha. I found this cool mini digital camera she was about to throw out so I just took it. It would’ve been quite a waste to just trash something that still worked. lol. Even though the chances of me actually putting it to good use were slim. :P

Kevin sure took a lot of stuff. Like Sandy’s inflatable plastic lips. Haha. I think a lot of the stuff was from Dan, that’s why she was so eager to get rid of them. Plus they were really old and she would never use them again. lol.

So yeah. Today was rather awkward, as I expected. I’m sorry ok. I can’t just get over something like that so quickly. And he honestly can’t blame me for acting the way I do. He’s in such a hurry to fix things but fixing something like this takes time and he really needs to understand that I need time to get over what happened and I have no idea how long it’ll take. I’m sorry for everything. :/

But I think he really needs to stop bringing it up and saying sorry nearly every time I chat with him online and such. How the heck am I supposed to forget about what happened if he keeps bringing it up? It like, does he want things to be awkward forever? Just drop it and pretend like it never happened, please… or at least try.

I know that’s pretty much impossible. It’s going to take a while for me to really get over what happened. He keeps asking me “Why do you hate me so much?” which is something I asked him numerous times NOT to ask me because I could NEVER hate him. It makes me sad that he thinks that I’m capable of actually HATING him. Just because things are awkward doesn’t mean that I hate him. It just really hurts that he thinks that way. It makes me feel like us not being best cousins anymore is all my fault and it’s my fault that things are still awkward because I’m not trying hard enough to fix things.

I asked him a question and he said “I can’t tell you because you’re not fully my cousin yet.” Ok… I can’t just STOP being his cousin. I still care. I still worry. And it really hurts that he said that to me. And I know I’ve hurt him too by being awkward and weird but I just can’t forget. I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve completely abandoned you and left you for dead. I need you to understand my side of this. I told you already… I still need…

Time.

[fin]